Old and Weary (My Life)

I grow old and weary
as my time draws near
soon I'll be forgotten
shocked its finally here
no one knows who I am
just a ghost thats gone insane
dealt so many heartaches
its prolly damaged my brain
I sit alone in this life
yet there is people all around
they all walk on
as I die on the ground
I guess this is what i wanted
ever since I was eight
to die at a young age
and finally be rid of hate
I'm not entirely human
maybe that's why I'm banned
the beast inside of me lives
its just currently canned
I'm a danger to all around me
and so I sacrifice blood
to keep others safe
and drag me in the mud
the bible speaks of a god
who made mankind from dirt
but I am built of snakes
so I'm constantly hurt
born from a crime of anger
of desperation and need
created from pain and suffering
a rape done purely of greed
I was never to be on earth
so I guess as it stands
I'm an abomination
heeding to demon commands
I'll soon have nowhere to go
cast out because I'm cruel
unless i slit my wrists
and wade in the blood pool
I've bout run out of choices
and now I'm pressed for time
I've ruined so much of life
I've barely scratched this rhyme
as a child I had things happen
short after adoption was done
it sucks when it happens
it really is no fun
taught all the wrong lessons
that's how the shadow was made
I didn't know it at first
but it was in the games I played
fire death destruction
rotting corpses ropes
everything I did
spoke of broken hopes
my dreams had all but shattered
a wisp of what they were
and at this time my mom was gone
so I abandon her
as a kid dad beat me
made me skip my meals
from this arose aggression
a fire burning at my heels
I once reached out for help
a counselor from school
but as a mandatory reporter
she made me feel a fool
DHS went to my house
to ask dad some Q's
answered till he left
I knew I was bout to lose
I got punished bad
beaten pulled and thrown
forced to write sentences
sitting all alone
I never said another word
after what the counselor shown
I told her to go away
I'd do this on my own
then I started changing
I'd blackout all the time
abused my own family
a rather shameful crime
my dad then went to jail
for all the things he did
brought our family shame
for his choices as a kid
he never got help
cause he didn't want a shrink
he went and killed himself
so he didn't have to think
the news was then delivered
by my mother and a priest
in the church by the school
a little to the east
here's where my grades dropped
like a boulder to the floor
not because he died
but because I cared no more
things got real bad
and I got sent away
into a temp shelter
where I had to stay
I was scared as hell
I didn't want to go
I was taken away
to a place I didn't know
I went to bed frightened
but woke up feeling fine
I finally felt happy
a place that felt like mine
it was so perfect there
I felt alive again
like pain was washed away
I could finally feel the rain
I was one of their finest
kids that ever came
very well behaved
made others do the same
while I was there things changed
others became good
reaching all new heights
they never thought they could
the staff there all loved me
the manager liked me too
I learned to write philosophy
and gave them a few
then I go taken away
to be just a new face
I didn't want to go
I made this home my place
at this new location
I was lots less afraid
not saying that I liked it
still wishing that I stayed
the rules here weren't that different
I caught on really fast
my last shelter grew distant
and faded in the past
I still had a good time
straight A student above the rest
I did real good in class
I aced every single test
I made it through the months
with a staff named Beth
she always cheered me up
when I considered death
eventually I had friends
who I told when I was sad
they gave me some blades
so I cut when I felt bad
the staff quickly noticed
and found what I had done
I didn't like the punishment
counselors aren't that fun
so I changed to taking showers
five times a day
with water so hot
I darn near burned my skin away
I told a staff in confidence
yet he had to do his work
they took away my showers
I thought he was a jerk
I fell back to cutting
a simple coping skill
loved to see the colors
hoping they would kill
several months passed
before I was 'loud to leave
visiting my family
it felt hard to breathe
before I ever got out
things began to fall
my mother and I still fought
she hadn't changed at all
she said the kids were better
without me around
like I was all the evil
a heart corruption bound
all my training drained
when my mom came home
tore me down to size
a tiny garden gnome
my fury grew again
I'm no better then I was
but this time I was mad
over a fair cause
dragged into the dark
become what I used to be
transforming to a beast
that I knew wasn't me
so I split in two again
the hatred and the heart
they are controlled together
but dangerous apart
I found a girl to help me
my better half and my glue
the first time I found love
at first sight is when I knew
I threw my finest moves
and got her on my arm
hold her when she cried
protected her from harm
she was my greatest weakness
so my mother punished me
using her as leverage
to make sure I wasn't free
it strained on our relations
her and I began to fight
but nothing stood in our way
I held her every night
she disappeared by hurting me
left my heart a shred
scarred me forever
and made me walking dead
nothing was the same
relationships all sucked
so I acted like a whore
for girls who wanted f***ed
my life turned for the worse
my language starts to slip
over little things
I would start to flip
I got taken again
arrested but innocent
could prove it was't me
yet Eldora I was sent
this was the last straw
my faith finally crushed
my life so full of shit
and God finally flushed
knowing who it was
it was the girl I love
so I was gonna take the fall
and wait to go up above
the day came up in court
and time to testify
I sat in my chair
waiting till I had to lie
but it never came
the case ended fast
she ran out the room
crying over the past
they had to let me go
so I went home to celebrate
soaked in the night
until it was real late
here I learned my lesson
to never fall in love
so when people tried to know me
I'd lightly push and shove
so I'd always walk alone
and have done so since then
try to protect others
yet a demon amongst men
I slowly rot away
waiting around to die
thinking of my life
asking your god why
yet I make others laugh
and give the world a smile
while my world is caving in
and the hurt begins to pile
I ain't got much strength left
I've been breaking for years
time for sad is over
I've used up all my tears
now I grow old and weary
as my time draws near
soon I'll be forgotten
shocked its finally here
no one knows who I am
just a ghost thats gone insane
dealt so many heartaches
its prolly damaged my brain
I sit alone in this life
yet there is people all around
they all walk on
as I die on the ground.
                        - Corruptions Blood